I love receiving mails with jokes or stories about kids. They are so innocent and naive and things that come from their mouths are just priceless not to mention hilarious at times. Here’s another of my favourite to share with all mummies. Enjoy!

A series of questions were posed to a group of kids and these are their answers to the questions. Aren’t you glad being a mummy?

Why did God make mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the sticky tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you, your mother and not some other Mum?
1. We’re related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s Mums like me.

What kind of little girl was your Mum?
1. My Mum has always been my Mum and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mum need to know about Dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mum marry your Dad?
1. My Dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My Grandma says that Mum didn’t have her thinking cap on.

Who’s the boss at your house?
1. Mum doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because Dad’s such an idiot.
2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.

What’s the difference between Mums & Dads?
1. Mums work at work and work at home and Dads just go to work at work.
2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but Mums have all the real power ’cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s.
4. Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mum do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don’t have spare time.
2. To hear her talk, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mum perfect?
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. You know, her hair. I’d die it, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
2. I’d make my Mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

To read more parenting related articles, click here: Life As A Mummy

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Following my earlier post about funny things that kids say, here are more funny things coming from kids. You just have to give it up for their imagination and naivity!

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: ‘Mom,why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?’

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said,  ‘If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.’

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. ‘I love you so much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.’

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: ‘How does it know it’s me?’

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. ‘Please don’t give me this juice again,’ she said, ‘It makes my teeth cough.’

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked:  ‘How much do I cost?’

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, ‘I don’t know what’ll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?’

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: ‘Why is he whispering in her mouth?’

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, ‘Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?’

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story.  His dad read:  ‘The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.’  Concerned, James asked: ‘What happened to the flea?’

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget. This particular Sunday sermon…’Dear Lord,’ the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. ‘Without you, we are but dust…’ He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, ‘Mom, what is butt dust?’

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My little one is an active boy who will not sit or lie still for more than 5 minutes. He won’t even lie still on the bed to rest even though he’s tired and sleepy. Because of this, we found that he was hardly putting on any weight or growing any taller. The doctor also thought that his lack of physical growth was due to this reason and encouraged us to feed him more snacks in between meal times. And so we did.

We also tried to change his formula to Pediasure which we were told was effective in helping babies and toddlers gain weight quickly. A friend of mine confirmed this as it worked for her daughter. So we tried it on him. Unfortunately he didn’t like the taste and refused to drink it. Not knowing better, we mixed the formula with his regular one, and he would drink it. Luckily, when I mentioned this to my friend, she told me that I shouldn’t be mixing the two milk powders this way. Apparently this was told to her by the paediatrician. She didn’t ask the reason why, but I’m guessing that it’s because the two milk powders have different composition and therefore has different digestion periods. Mixing them together would probably be confusing to the body system and I suspect one would be compromised more than the other in terms of extracting the best nutrients from each of these formulas.

I was told that if at all we wish to mix the two formulas, we can do so by alternating the feeds. This doesn’t work for us because the boy just wouldn’t drink it “neat”. So we’re decided to do away with Pediasure and tried other ways to beef him up instead. What we found to be quite useful is also the Calciyum yogurt. It’s supposedly to be helpful in children’s growth and true enough, we have noticed that he’s grown faster since we began feeding him with Calciyum. Of course that’s not the one and only factor that helped with his growth, we’ve also been feeding him a lot more in between his meals and milk intake. He loves bread and rice and these may have helped to make him grow faster too.

Now we are rather happy with his rate of growth. Listening and learning from what other experienced parents have done with their kids to help with their growth have helped us a lot. At least it’s a lot less trial and error with products that we aren’t sure would work. We are also careful in not over-feeding the boy so that he won’t become obese and unhealthy. He is taking in some carbs and we’re making sure that they are healthy carbs. I definitely don’t want to go down the road in having to look for weight loss supplements for him next time should we go overboard with feeding him too much!

What are your methods and secrets to beefing up your kids healthily?

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I’ve always enjoyed stories of kids saying the funniest and darnest things. It’s always unexpected what kids will say, and not only are they funny most times, it could be mind blowing too. Their minds just work in wonderous ways that we have come to abandone as we mature and become adults.

Enjoy these stories.

NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, “Mom! That lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!”

HONESTY

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he’d dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, “We better throw this one out too then, ’cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago

OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, “The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.”

MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, “What’s the matter haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?”

POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, “Are you a cop?” Yes,” I answered and continued writing the report. “My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?” “Yes, that’s right,” I told her. “Well, then,” she said as she extended her foot toward me, “would you please tie my shoe?”

POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. “Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked. “It sure is,” I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, “What’d he do?”

ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered,” The tooth fairy will never believe this!”

DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, “Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.” “And why not, darling?” “You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.”

DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: “Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn ……and into the hole he gooooes.”

SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. “I’m just wasting my time,” she said to her mother. “I can’t read, I can’t write and they won’t let me talk!”

BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the  Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. “Mama, look what I found”, the boy called out.” What have you got there, dear?” With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, “I think it’s Adam’s underwear!

Did you laugh hard at the funniest things that kids say today? I sure did Have a good day ahead!

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I’ve read this “What does love mean” email countless times from the many forwarded emails I’ve received over the years. And yet, this email keeps circulating and I still welcome it when I see it again and again in my inbox. You may have read it many times too, and if you are like me, who don’t tire of it, then enjoy reading it once again and have a great weekend ahead!

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, ‘What does ‘love’ mean?’ The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

• ‘When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.’
  Rebecca- age 8
• ‘When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.’
  Billy – age 4
• ‘Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.’
  Karl – age 5
• ‘Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.’
  Chrissie – age 6
• ‘Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.’
  Terri – age 4
• ‘Love is when my mummy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.’
  Danny – age 7
• ‘Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mummy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss’
  Emily – age 8
• ‘Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.’
  Bobby – age 7
• ‘If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,’ Nikka – age 6
• ‘Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.’
  Noelle – age 7
• ‘Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.’
  Tommy – age 6
• ‘During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.’
  Cindy – age 8
• ‘My mummy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.’
  Clare – age 6
• ‘Love is when Mummy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.’
  Elaine-age 5
• ‘Love is when Mummy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.’
  Chris – age 7
• ‘Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day’
  Mary Ann – age 4
• ‘I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.’
  Lauren – age 4
• ‘When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.’ (what an image)
  Karen – age 7
• ‘Love is when Mummy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.’
  Mark – age 6
• ‘You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.’
  Jessica – age 8

And the final one — Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a con test he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the con test was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said,
‘Nothing, I just helped him cry’

To read more parenting related articles, click here: Life As A Mummy

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